ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
