i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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