I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The struggles of a small town man whore
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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