Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize