I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
