Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
