I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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