I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
