once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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