the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
