By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
