woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
