It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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