did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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