At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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