don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
