i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
