I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
