You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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