for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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