Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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