Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize