take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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