I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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