4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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