4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
