So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
