did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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