Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
