he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
