Non-Jews are for practice
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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