I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
