Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
