I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
