He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize