you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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