Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
