How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
