If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
