dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
