Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
