Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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