We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
