she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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