dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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