the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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