I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
