atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
