Your mouth is God's brothel.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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