okay pat passed out under dana's car
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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