so explain again why im purple
no
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
