Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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