i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
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My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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