Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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