Moan for me like Helen Keller
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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