I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
