Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
