recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
