put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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