You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize