Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
