DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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